Let Me Introduce Myself

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I thought I’d take this time to introduce myself. My name is Christine and I currently live in Phoenix, AZ, but I dream of moving east, to a cooler climate. In this second half of life, the heat in the land of perpetual sunshine has been difficult for my perimenopausal body.

I am a psychologist by training, but a writer by daydreaming. I grew up surrounded by books. Anne of Green Gables, Nancy Drew, the Bobbsey Twins, Amelia Bedelia, Mary Poppins.  My earliest dreams were of writing a book, being a published author. Thank goodness I can hit “publish” on Substack and feel a dream becoming a reality each week.

Books and stories carried me away from the chaos of my childhood. They were my friends and constant companions. Not only did I read, I wrote. My obsession with pretty notebooks and colorful stickers began early. No one had to teach me how to obsess over stationary. I scribbled my feelings and frustrations in “diaries” as a child and then “journals” as a teenager. My first diary had a flimsy lock on the cover. The lock means that it was serious business - I was writing and hiding it away.

Somewhere along the way, I lost this part of my Self. The part of me with big dreams. I became an “adult” and got down to the serious business of figuring out adulthood. I enrolled in a masters program and then a doctorate program, and by the time I was a practicing psychologist, my love of reading was burned out from academic reading and endeavors. There’s nothing like reading 1,000 words a week of research articles and textbooks to squash your joy. Thankfully in this middle-age era of life, the parts of me that were sacrificed along the way have emerged once again. They whisper to me, “Remember when you wanted more.” I have the Artist Way to thank for the re-emergence of my Self.

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So let me continue with my introduction…

I said I am a psychologist but really I am a woman coming into her own. My professional training has taught me how to be attuned to the stories of others. But in this phase of life, I am no longer satisfied with being on the sideline. I am ready to tell my story, to let my voice be know. Staying quiet and small no longer fits me. I am ready to tell you what’s going on in my head and to lift the therapeutic veil of my identity. I want to be the main character in my own life, not the supporting character in someone else’s life.

I said I am a psychologist but really I am a woman on fire. A woman who has woken from a long slumber and does not want to waste a minute of living.

I said I am a psychologist but really I dream of a multi-hyphenate life. Where I am doing different things. Dabbling in different projects. Teaching courses. Leading workshops. Writing. Speaking (maybe…my introvert self isn’t so sure about this one). Creating. I dream of not being pegged into one kind of existence. One type of identity. I dream of swimming outside the lanes.

I said I am a psychologist but really I am a story teller. I spend my day job listening to the life stories of my patients. I read as many stories as I can in my free time. I delight myself in movies and TV series, especially old Hollywood movies and classic film. Most of my life is filled with stories.

I said I am a psychologist but really I am a visionary. A little psychic too. I see how pieces fit together. I see possibilities in the future. I envision potential. I often get a glimpse of something before it happens.

I said I am a psychologist but really I am a healer. A self healer, ministering to my own wounds.

I said I am a psychologist but really I am a witness to the pain and wounds people have endured. And I offer a salve for their injuries. I encourage their shame out from the shadows into the light so it can be healed.

I said I am a psychologist but really I am a mirror, reflecting the truest parts of someone. I create a safe space for self-exploration and for the declaration of self. When people are ready to reclaim their abandoned parts.

I said I am a psychologist but really I am a Highly Sensitive Person. A sensitive soul. A heart-led woman. Trying to manage my own nervous system in a profession and a world that can be over-stimulating and exhausting.

I said I am a psychologist but really I am a woman living with autoimmune disease. I have spent my life trying to heal my own body. I spend my time seeking to understand health and a fullness of existence. I seek ways to manage the physical exhaustion that is often my reality.

I said I am a psychologist but really I am an advocate for the True Self and Authentic Voice. My own and yours. Looking for ways to be more fully ourselves. Integrated and whole with less apologies. To speak up and care less what others think, whether it’s pleasing to them.

I said I am a psychologist but really I am a soulful creator. Yearning for a bigger life. Where I can chase the magic and what lights me up each day. Where I can throw duty off and be a little less responsible. I have lived a life of servitude to others and now I want more for myself.

In sharing who I am, I realize this is the wish I have for the other women in my life. The ones who have made themselves small in order to care for the people in their lives. Whose own needs were placed last on the list. For the women who quieted their own voices under the pressure of the culture we live and breathe in. For those who have lost pieces and parts of themselves along the way, only to be reawakened in midlife. For the women who may need a cheerleader, to know they are not alone and their experiences matter, to know that their feelings and dreams matter. For the women who have lived a life of obligation and duty while secretly wishing for something more.

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