Self Esteem
Radical Acceptance ~ Slow Read Week One
June 19, 2026
— CHRISTINE SPARACINO
This week we read Chapter 1 - The Trance of Unworthiness.
If you haven’t yet downloaded your bookmark, you can get it here. The bookmark has the reading schedule to help you keep track.
Tara Brach sets the stage in the Prologue and Chapter One, addressing the deep insecurity and a sense of inferiority that we experience, and how she related to these feelings herself. When spending time with a friend, she noticed that she did not treat herself kindly, but instead behaved like a critical judge.
At her core, she believed “Something is fundamentally wrong with me,” and spent her energies trying to fix herself. She moved to an ashram and believed that if she put in enough time, she could fix herself. She found Buddhism as a way to face her feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness.
“For so many of us, feelings of deficiency are right around the corner. It doesn’t take much - just hearing of someone else’s accomplishments, being criticized, getting into an argument, making a mistake at work - to make us feel that we are not okay.” (p.3)
Brach gives us a glimpse into Radical Acceptance: learning to recognize what is true in the present moment, and embracing whatever we see with an open heart which cultivates mindfulness and compassion.
She states that we are in a dream or trance state, believing the stories and fears about the events in our lives. Inside this trance, we believe that no matter what we do, we will inevitably fall short. This belief separates us from connection with others and fosters a sense of being unlovable.
This mindset leads us to try harder, stay vigilant, and pursue perfection as a way of shielding the world from seeing our flaws. We spend our lives trying to prove that we are worthy of the good.
We engage in a multitude of strategies to keep anyone from finding out the truth about us:
The counterpoint to this mindset is the Buddhist practice that we all have essential goodness, wisdom, and compassion. Brach introduces us to the First noble truth that suffering or discontent is universal, and fully recognizing its existence its he first step on the path of awakening.
As Tara shared her 8-10 year plan of thinking she could “fix” herself, I remembered how I used to think about myself in this manner. When I entered therapy in 1999, I thought that if I worked hard enough, read all the books, went to all the sessions, that I could fix myself and rid myself of negative patterns. I approached psychotherapy with an intent of turning over every stone and looking in every cranny, and that eventually I would “finish” the work. But almost 30 years in, I have realized the work is never done and that’s not the point of therapy to begin with.
Humans are a problem to fix. We are not “broken.” Many people talk about being broken and needing to be fixed. Are we wounded? Yes! Are we hurting? Yes! But we are not broken. This mindset is what Brach is speaking to - this internal sense of being damaged goods and the shame that shrouds it.
If we approach therapy (and the rest of our life) with compassion, how would we utilize therapy sessions differently? If we are not fatally flawed, what could we do with that time and energy? How might it change our approach to psychotherapy?
I am curious about the messages you received as child in your family of origin. This is often a crucial part of the work of psychotherapy that I do with clients, when we trace back our earliest messages we received and follow the threads to see how they are affecting us today.
What are the messages you received about yourself growing up? Based on this message, how has it shaped your interactions or your life? What would you try if you didn’t believe this messaging?
Mine was “You’re too sensitive,” and so I spent decades trying to hide my feelings and pretending that I was self-sufficient and hyper-independent.
We live in a world that wants to constantly distract us, and it’s easy to ignore our own thoughts, feelings, and pain, by picking up our phone, consuming all day long. This “keeping busy strategy” keeps us disconnected from ourselves. I recently read “Stolen Focus” by Johann Hari and he says, “I tried to live but I got distracted.” It is a great book if you’re interested!
When was the last time you sat in your yard with a hot coffee? Or let yourself daydream? Or not have sensory stimulation coming in (TV, music, internet) and allowed silence? In a world that wants to keep us distracted and consuming (which translates to spending money), are we doing so to avoid feeling our feelings?
While Brach introduces us to Buddhism, this book isn’t about becoming Buddhist. She’s not trying to convert us. You don’t have to be religious or even spiritual for this book to be relatable. What it is about is taking some universal truths and applying them to psychology and psychotherapy in a way that can change how we experience life and how we define our struggles.
There are guided reflections at the end of each chapter. My recommendation is to take a couple prompts and do a bit of journaling. You don’t need to cover all of her prompts for it to be helpful.
Journal and reflect on the questions that stick out the most to you. Or take a question or two each day and write a little bit about them. Do this for the week. See what you notice.
One suggestion is to start a notebook for the slow read. It can be helpful to capture all the thoughts and you can do the journaling alongside any notes you take. I’ve done that with slow reads I’ve done, designing a little notebook for the book. I like to write down impactful quotes or jot notes of what I want to remember.
The reading for next week (June 26 - July 2) is Chapter Two: Awakening From The Trance. Brach takes us deeper into the concept of Radical Acceptance.
I hope you enjoyed this week’s reading. If you have questions or comments, feel free to send me an email.
Until next week!
