The Body As A Catalyst of Change

It wasn’t until my body stopped cooperating, when it refused to play along, that I changed my life. You’d think it was all the years of therapy, that spending time and money would have been enough for me to change. But it wasn’t until my body shut down that I paid attention.

The exhaustion, the rashes, the breakdown, the insomnia, the flare-ups - it was written all over my body. The itchy patches across my skin, the heavy feeling of exhaustion as it sat on my shoulders, the tightness in my chest that caused me to freeze. My body forced me to listen in a new way, teaching me how it spoke through a language I had discounted and seeking my attention through last-ditch efforts.

No matter how many hours I sat in therapy, how many patterns I examined, how many emotions I learned to name, none of it mattered as much as when my body threw up the alarms.

Really, my body left me no choice.

What if we can’t change what ails us? What if life inherently means a certain level of pain or at least discomfort in our bodies?

If you have health challenges, if you are in the middle of a tough season, I am here with you and I see you.

The greater question is - Is my body trying to communicate something to me now?

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As I keep happening on themes around the body (essays, an art exhibit, a book of poetry), I am reminded of what it means for the body to change. How it feels to lose parts of your self, your body, your health and feel unsure if you will retrieve it. I am reminded of how uncertain aging can feel.

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Gabor Maté reminded me that my body speaks, that she has a language of her own. We rarely listen until a crisis hits, when our body acts like the catalyst ushering in change. I usually try to solve problems in my mind, to think about a problem and use my faculties to solve it. But with my body specifically, I learn that a “let’s think about it first” technique doesn’t really work. Instead, my body leads me in ways to new discoveries and offers hints and suggestions to the problems that need solving.

The body has a language of its own. Do you speak it?

Have you experienced your own catalyst moments? When your health has ushered a new phase of life, when it has revealed deeper truths that were just under the surface out of your awareness?

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I used to treat my body and its problems like a puzzle to solve. I addressed headaches and migraines with allergy treatments (shots in the arm, sprays up my nose, medications down my throat). I supported myself with neck stretches and massage that limbered my muscles temporarily, heat and ice to dull the pain, subjecting myself to every possible fix. I would dismiss the greater meaning behind the symptom, only paying attention to the most obvious and simplest explanation.

Once my body became the catalyst for change, I translated the symptoms as best as I could, looking for the meaning beneath. How the neck tension signals I need some time off, some relaxation, maybe a float in the pool, weightless, to let the tension fade away. Or I need to soak in the bath and lose myself in a good book. Maybe I need to take time off and let go of what I’m holding.

Does your body speak like this? Send you signals that something is amiss? Are you able to interpret the symptoms?