What a Life Fully Alive Means to Me

Several years ago, I knew I wanted to start a Substack.

‍

I chose the name for my Substack years before I actually starting publishing essays. I knew what I wanted to call it ~ A Life Fully Alive. And I didn’t want anyone else to take the name (though maybe there can be publications with the same name on Substack). It meant something to me then and it still does.

‍

When my critic pops up, the part of me that says “You have nothing new to say” or “This does not matter, you are wasting your time,” I have to slow myself down, take a few deep breaths and remember that I am here, showing up, for a reason.

‍

I was sleepwalking through life (link to essay) and A Life Fully Alive is my declaration that I will live my life fully awake, fully alive. I will take each day and live it fully. Even if I am resting, I will rest fully. I will be connected to myself, to others, to the world, each day. I will not go through the motions again, living on autopilot.

I am reminded that the critic is also part of the alive in me. The part that is fearful. The part that wants to stay safe. The part that believes that perfection equals safety. The part of me that wants success without vulnerability. These parts and their feelings are alive, even when they are misguided.

‍

The critic’s voice, mixed with the autumn energy, when the darkness comes sooner, brings a slow down in my spirit. A desire to hibernate. Even withdraw. I remind myself, and you, that seasons exist for a reason. That when there is not much evident on the surface, there can still be growth happening under the surface. The harvest which leads to hibernation is a time of soil replenishment. The soil does not “produce” any new fruit but there is something important, vital, happening under the surface. Without the soil replenishment, the slow down, the composting, there cannot be the spring. I am learning to not fear creative composting.

Alive isn’t just the part of me that feels joy, that feels good. It is the fullness of my humanity. The parts that feel spicy. The parts that are anxious and afraid. The feelings that overtake me. The experiences I would rather not have. Alive is all of it, what we want and we don’t want.

‍

What makes me feel alive in this season:

1. A book that I can’t put down. A story that grips my attention in a way that makes my day fall away, when all I want to do is keep reading.
2. Beautiful photography of misty forests, colorful fall trees, the first snowfalls
3. Gazing at Impressionist art in museums
4. The photo of the day, picked by my iPhone. The algorithm has been selecting Paris photos of trips I’ve taken over the years
5. Cats. I have been obsessed since I was very young. I love them all!
6. Longing, the kind that unsettles my soul
7. Sorrow, that reminder that I am human and the complexity of humanity
8. A clean house. The sign that my nervous system can relax a bit
9. Twinkly lights, the way they illuminate the darkness
10. Early bedtimes, leaning in to the night
11. A half decaf flat white with whole milk
12. My red and gold and silver Christmas tree
13. A heating pad on my shoulders at the end of the day
14. Beautiful wrapping paper
15. Vintage ornaments, passed down 3 generations to me
16. Dreams of my next vacation
17. Warm baked goods. Last week it was a pear clafouti. This week it is blueberry pistachio biscotti.
18. The small moments when I take a deep breath and remember that I can pace myself
19. Picking out fall recipes to try and creating menus for holiday meals

I’d love to hear what makes you feel alive.

I am here to remind myself that I am alive. And to extend the reminder to you. May we do the things that scare us, even terrify us. May we take the risks. May we live with our eyes and hearts wide open. May we take the opportunities. May we seize the chances. May we do the things that we love. May we hold on to ourselves. May we reignite our passions. May we rediscover forgotten parts of ourselves. May we let old patterns die out, the kind that don’t serve us. May we live a life fully alive.

‍