Self Esteem
Awakening Compassion for Ourselves: Radical Acceptance Chapter 8
August 13, 2026
— CHRISTINE SPARACINO
This week we read Chapter 8: Awakening compassion for ourselves: Becoming the holder and the held by Tara Brach in her book "Radical Acceptance." In case you missed Chapter 7, there’s still time to catch up. You can read the debrief here.
Tara Brach starts with a client story about Daniel and the self-judgment in his life. He would judge his experience while meditating, and this attitude infused other areas of his life.
Brach reminds us that self-judgment creates distance from the actual pain. Rather than feeling the emotion, the inner critic pushes the suffering away. In addition to being a harsh judge, this attitude perpetuates a deep sense of mistrust with ourselves.
“We often distance ourselves from emotional pain - our vulnerability, anger, jealousy, fear - by covering it with self-judgment. When we push away parts of ourselves, we only dig ourselves deeper into the trance of unworthiness.”
The answer to self-judgment is self-compassion, leading us to Radical Acceptance. Brach has been building a case for self-compassion from the first page of this book, and she takes us further into healing the unworthiness we feel.
She defines compassion as “to be with, feel with, suffer with.” When we extend compassion to ourselves, we are creating a space where we can feel our inner emotions and hold our pain with tenderness.
“Compassion is the visceral tenderness in the face of suffering.”
In their work together, Daniel revealed that his mother had been critical towards him during his childhood, causing him to internalize her negative treatment. As an adult, he carried the same attitude toward himself, badgering and criticizing himself. He frequently took an irritated attitude toward himself. This behavior only punished the wounded parts of his psyche, further entrenching him in a state of unworthiness.
Brach encouraged him to locate where he felt this negativity in his body as physical sensations. She encouraged him to place his hand on his chest and connect with the sensations, and also to extend comfort to the internal wounded places by saying, “I care about this suffering.”
Brach encourages us to consider that all of our experiences are an opportunity to awaken compassion. She states that learning to face our painful emotions and suffering with compassion allows us to move closer to our experiences and true nature, rather than away from.
“To cultivate the tenderness of compassion, we not only stop running from suffering, we deliberately bring our attention to it.”
Brach shares another story with us to illustrate compassion - the story of Marian and her daughter, Christy. Through therapy and self-compassion, Marian was able to tolerate the accusations her daughter had, acknowledge her fault, and repair the relationship between them. She initially felt shame when Christy confronted her, but with compassion, she was able to move past the self-judgment and emotionally contain Christy’s anger and her own pain.
“Finding compassion for ourselves in no way releases us from responsibility for our actions. Rather, it releases us from the self-hatred that prevents us from responding to our life with clarity and balance.”
Brach finishes the chapter by discussing prayer and turning to a higher power. She encourages us to consider that prayer transcends a specific religious tradition, reminding us that the basic sentiment is to feel less alone in our experience.
“May this suffering serve to awaken compassion.”
The more we attend to our pain and the closer we come to our experiences with an attitude of compassion, the more healing we experience. Our hearts become expansive and the feelings of unworthiness lose their intensity. Brach explains that in this moment, we become the holder and the held - we hold our pain and we are held in our pain.
Tara Brach reminds us that when we offer ourselves compassion, it spreads out to our other relationships and the world. I suspect that many people reading this, including myself, possess more compassion for others than they do for themselves. Helpers, HSPs and healers with the gift of empathy are exponentially more compassionate to people around them than they are with themselves.
Instead, the inner critic beats you up all day. “You really shouldn’t be resting - You’re lazy.” “Why are you tearing up again?! You’re too sensitive!” The inner critic feeds off a tyranny of lies.
If you are a sensitive, caring soul, I encourage you to read this chapter with less concern about how to be compassionate towards others, because you already are. Your empathy isn’t the problem.
May we treat ourselves with the same kindness and empathy that we extend to others. May you respond to your suffering with the same love you’d offer another person.
When we think of being the holder and the held, we are reparenting ourselves, offering ourselves what we didn’t get in childhood. We have the opportunity to meet the wounds and unmet wounds from childhood with the resources of adulthood. This is how we re-parent ourselves.
Consider this week how you treat the wounded, scared parts of your psyche. Are you offering the comfort of a parent? Or the discipline of a drill sergeant?
Kristin Neff expanded the idea of self-compassion with her research. If you’re curious about going deeper, you can read her book “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.” You can read more about Dr. Neff.
This week, take time to journal about your reflections after reading this chapter. What thoughts came to mind as you read? Did you feel any resistance during the reading? What resonated with your experience?
When you notice the inner critic beating you up this week, take a moment to pause and acknowledge the fear. Consider journaling about the inner critic’s arguments - take a sheet of paper and divide it in half (either orientation will work). Journal the critic’s accusations on one side, and on the other, write what you would tell a friend or loved one if they said these things about themselves.
We move on to Chapter Nine. If you’re behind with the reading schedule, remember to offer yourself compassion.
If you missed Chapter Seven, you can read the recap.
