Self Esteem
Awakening in Relationship: Radical Acceptance Chapter 11
September 2, 2026
— CHRISTINE SPARACINO
This week, we read Chapter 11: Awakening Together in Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. In case you missed Chapter 10, you can catch up here.
Tara Brach uses the medieval story of Parsifal to illustrate the importance of relationships and human connection. Parsifal returns to the kingdom to find the king ill and the people under a spell. He eventually chooses to ask the king what is wrong, and this compassion breaks the spell and restores the kingdom.
“When we feel cut off from others, as the king in this story was, our lives too can feel like a wasteland, empty of meaning, hollow and thin.”
Brach reminds us that being connected to others is the essence of our wellbeing and our healing. Even when we have been wounded in relationship and may find ourselves retreating, it is human connection that is our lifeblood.
In order to be emotionally well, we must feel the “genuine care and interest of others” in our lives. We are, if nothing else, social beings.
“Even when we are completely alone, we carry within us the sense of who we belong with and our concerns about how others regard us.”
Since many of our woundings takes place in relationship, we can become reactive to others, even when we don’t want to behave in such a manner. Brach uses a personal example with her partner not paying the mortgage to illustrate the point.
In relationships, we often fall into old habits and behave in reflexive ways, rather than intentionally.
“We react to one another out of habit, instantaneously, lost in our patterns of defending, pretending, judging and distancing.”
Brach gives us a rather simple way for responding when we’ve behaved in ways that caused harm. She advises us to take three steps:
Brach encourages us to practice the key parts of Radical Acceptance - pausing, noticing the sensations in our body, and bringing a mindful attention to our inner experience. From there, we can choose how to respond with compassion.
“When we practice pausing and deepening our attention, instead of being driven by unconscious wants and fears, we open up our options.”
We are no longer driven by automatic responses or reactivity, and this type of mindfulness facilitates greater intimacy in relationship.
Brach gives us some steps for communicating consciously, with attention and mindfulness, rather than reactivity and anger.
She advises the following steps:
As Brach discussed how we carry the image of other people inside us, how the representation of their care for us resides within us, I am reminded that this cuts both ways.
In healthy attachment styles, these mental representations of significant relationships work to our advantage. We can call on them during difficult times and feel comforted, even when we might be alone.
In anxious, ambivalent, or avoidant attachments, these mental representations can keep us believing negative thoughts about ourselves. Perhaps we feel sure that others will leave us, or that we are unlovable.
If you become aware that your mental image of core relationships is harmful or damaging, therapy is a great place to work this out and begin to repair your attachment style.
For this week’s journaling, notice the moments when you are reacting, rather than responding. Do a post-mortem of the event, seeing if you can identify what emotions you were feeling and the reasons you reacted like you did.
Then write about how you would have liked to respond instead.
We move on to our last section, Chapter Twelve. If you missed Chapter Ten, you can read the recap here.
