Self Esteem
Recognizing Our Basic Goodness: Radical Acceptance Chapter 10
August 27, 2026
— CHRISTINE SPARACINO
This week, we read Chapter 10: Recognizing Our Basic Goodness in Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. In case you missed Chapter 9, you can catch up here.
Tara Brach starts off with sharing the story of Amy, a woman she worked with who was dealing with her husband’s infidelity. Amy’s immediate response was to be angry with her husband, cutting off the connection between them.
Through therapy, Brach helped Amy see the emotional wounds lying underneath her anger, revealing the deep insecurities she felt. Amy made her way through life believing she was unlovable, and the events of her life were seen through this lens.
Brach reminds us that it’s normal to lash out in anger when we are injured. We naturally tend to blame the other person and to feel wronged.
“When we have been betrayed, one of our first reactions is to lash out in blame. We create a story of good and bad and aim our anger at the one who has caused us pain. With deep resentment, we built a case against them, often with enough evidence to prove we should eliminate them from our life altogether.”
In Brach’s words, resentment is defined as “to feel again,” reminding us that as we reflect on our past woundings, we are often feeling the emotions and hurt again, not only in our minds but in our bodies.
This is one way we stay in the trance of unworthiness.
“When someone reject us, he or she might be reinforcing a view we already hold - that we’re not good enough, not kind enough, not lovable enough.”
In therapy, Amy’s anger turned from her husband towards herself. She became convinced that his infidelity was a reflection of what a terrible wife she was and of the mistakes she made in the marriage.
Brach reminds us that we all do this at times - we become convinced that the misfortune happening to us is somehow our fault. We internalize the struggle as reflective of who we are as a person.
Brach shares that in order to deal the shame and feelings of inferiority when painful events happen, we must remember our “goodness.” That our inherent nature is good.
Unlike the Judeo-Christian perspective of being born with a sinful nature, Buddhism reflects that every human’s basic nature is good.
This means that we extend compassion and forgiveness towards ourselves and let it radiate out towards others. This goodness doesn’t mean we are perfect or that all our behavior is blameless, but we hold an inner attitude of love when we think of ourselves.
“Our trance thoughts may tell us that something is wrong, but we dare to let go of them and trust in the possibility of goodness.”
Brach discusses her views about forgiveness rooted in compassion and Radical Acceptance. She clarifies that this type of forgiveness doesn’t condone hurtful behavior, but instead, it recognizes the goodness in ourselves and others.
She recommends a “forgiveness scan” - pausing at the end of our day and reflecting on what moments might need our self-forgiveness. These could be moments that we regret responding in a certain way or mistakes we made.
There are several practices that can help us connect with the goodness of our nature:
When we practice tapping into our goodness, we heal our shame.
As I read this chapter, Brach’s version of forgiveness seemed rather uncomplicated, when in truth, the idea of forgiveness has been debated for decades by theologians, philosophers, academics, and therapists. I noticed my internal objections as I read the stories in this chapter, wondering How can we hold interpersonal boundaries in unsafe or dysfunctional relationships.
While we may forgive a person, that does not mean we allow them to continue to harm us or that we maintain the relationship. Forgiveness is a personal construct informed by your own personal story, and I encourage you to discuss it further with your therapist.
Perhaps we can take an attitude of forgiveness and seeing the good in other people while also protecting our peace and maintaining healthy boundaries in difficult relationships. Not all relationships should be continued.
This week, pause and notice what parts of your self need more compassion, where you might feel shame. Often when our shame is triggered, there is emotional wounding below that needs healing.
You can also try the forgiveness scan or goodness practices and reflect in your journal about what you notice.
Don’t forget about Tara Brach’s meditations. There are several good ones at the end of Chapter Ten.
We move on to Chapter Eleven. We have two weeks left in this slow read of Radical Acceptance.
If you’re behind with the reading schedule, remember to offer yourself compassion.
If you missed Chapter Nine, you can read the recap.
