Self Esteem
Attention as Love: Radical Acceptance Chapter 9
August 21, 2026
— CHRISTINE SPARACINO
This week, we read Chapter 9: Widening the circles of compassion: The Bodhisattva’s Path in the book Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. In case you missed Chapter 8, there’s still time to catch up. You can read the post here.
The message from this week’s reading is simple. As we give ourselves self-compassion, that compassion radiates out to the world around us.
Tara Brach has been slowly building the case for Radical Acceptance, taking us through the steps of pausing, noticing, naming, and attending to our pain and distressing emotions. These actions all work together to assist us in being compassionate to ourselves. Now we consider how to extend that compassion to others.
Now she turns our attention to being compassionate towards others and remembering that we are all connected. “Whenever we wholeheartedly attend to the person we’re with, to the tree in our front yard or to a squirrel perched on a branch, this living energy becomes an intimate part of who we are.”
Brach reminds us that attention is the foundation for compassion to others.
“Attention is the most basic form of love. By paying attention we let ourselves be touched by life, and our hearts naturally become more open and engaged.”
Remembering that we are inter-connected with others around us serves two purposes. First, we treat others with kindness and mercy, and second, we feel less isolated in our painful moments, remembering that what we are feeling, others have felt too.
Brach pulls out heavy-hitters to illustrate this point - Mother Theresa, Dalai Lama, and Gandhi, individuals who treated the world with kindness and mercy, despite being persecuted themselves.
“As we transform suffering into compassion, we realize our interconnectedness with all of life.”
We learn the story of Kim who had a negative interaction at work and went home ruminating about the situation. Brach took her through the exercise of noticing what sensations she felt in her body, offering self-compassion, and reflecting about a family member who might have felt the same feelings.
Brach explains that having a “Compassion Practice” means opening our hearts and bringing our attention to the pain other people are experiencing. It overflows as compassion to people around us, and reminds us that we are not alone in vulnerable places.
As Kim thought of her family and identified her emotional distress with theirs, she felt greater compassion for herself and for them.
“If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.” Longfellow
Widening compassion means we don’t see others as different from ourselves and reminds us that people hurt just like us.
“We are all journeying through the night with plans, breathing in and out this mysterious life.”
Brach shares the story of Jeff and Margo who were in couples’ therapy. Jeff was experiencing a change in his identity due to medical problems, and there was tension building between him and Margo.
In a session, Brach uses a psychodrama exercise that allowed each of them to see how the other was struggling and to embody a stance of compassion.
“Is there a greater miracle than to see through another’s eyes, even for an instant?” Thoreau
This is how we widen the circle of compassion and caring, by looking at life through another person’s viewpoint.
As Brach discussed her son’s grief about the ants, a memory flashed in my mind of a tall saguaro near my house. For many years, I drove by this particular saguaro and observed it through the seasons. How the hawks prepared their nests, building them larger each year. Then fledglings would appear each spring and eventually take to the nearby light posts when they were old enough to hunt.
It was a cycle of life that I deeply enjoyed witnessing, and every time I drove by, my attention was on the saguaro.
One day two years ago, I drove by and knew something was wrong. The saguaro wasn’t there. Shocked and confused, I wondered if I had just not been paying attention and drove by too fast. Then the next day, I saw that the saguaro had fallen.
Seeing it lying on the desert floor broke my heart. I grieved for the hawks who had lost their home and for the joy I had felt each time I drove by. I would never experience that level of wonder and connection again on that stretch of the road.
Brach reminds us that when we pay attention, we realize that we are intimately connected to the world around us. That connection can inform how we treat the planet, the world, and our neighbor.
As I read about the importance of attention, it reminded me that there is a war for our attention. The days we are living fuel multiple distractions, pulling us from ourselves.
If attention is the most basic form of love, and we are distracted all day by scrolling, by screens, by tech, what do we love?
If you are looking to reclaim your attention, Stolen Focus by Johan Hari is an excellent read.
I had some visceral reactions when Brach focuses on extending compassion to others because as an empath and HSP, my natural tendency is to focus on the experience of others more than myself. I offer the world more grace than I tend to give myself.
If you are an empath, helper, healer, or HSP, don’t beat yourself up while reading this chapter. Your natural stance is offering the world compassion and you are doing an excellent job. You might not need to be implored to care more. Instead, the reminders you need are to be more gracious and gentle with yourself.
This week, take time to reflect on who might need more compassion and kindness. Maybe it’s a family member or friend. It could also be the person in a different political party or a neighbor who bothers you. Can you imagine their backstory and what they might be struggling with?
If you are an empath or HSP, consider what extra compassion you need to extend to yourself. What are the moments this week that need more grace and permission? Where do you need to be gentler with yourself?
We move on to Chapter Ten. If you’re behind with the reading schedule, remember to offer yourself compassion.
If you missed Chapter Eight, you can read the recap.
